I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY....

As we enter relationships, the decision to become a parent can be daunting. The truth of the matter is that we are all unequipped to become parents. It doesn't matter how many books you read or how many classes you take, you will never feel or be ready. And, that's ok. We are evolving just as the babies in front of us are. The only obligation we have is being willing to face ourselves while listening and learning. That is the only preparation necessary.

 

I FEEL OVERWHELMED WITH MY YOUNG BABY...

The first few weeks and the first few months of having a baby can be filled with physical exhaustion and emotional despair. One should also strive for moments to appreciate the wonder of caring for this life before us. Being present is the hardest part of this difficult phase in life. For this reason, find the small moments. While it is helpful to have help, be sure to protect your emotional sanity by limiting the multiple opinions which can cut at one's confidence. This is the beginning of building one's own voice.

 

IT'S SO HARD TO BREASTFEED...

While the phrase "breast is best" is forwarded during the breastfeeding process, pushing this somewhat judgemental concept can intimidate and overwhelm. Being able to successfully breastfeed is a multifactorial challenge. Within the first 24 hours, a poor latch can result in pain and bleeding of the nipples. A postpartum body doesn't always feel hungry, but milk can't be produced out of an undernourished body. But how is a woman able to get to food in between the disordered feedings, the frequent diaper changes and the chaotic sleep times. For this reason, being able to effectively communicate to your "village" what you need can be crucial in the breastfeeding process.

 

I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT VACCINES...

During my two decades of pediatric care, I have found that most families simply ask to be included and informed when it comes to questions about their child's care. Unfortunately, the conversation surrounding vaccines has evolved into an adversarial space when it should instead be a collaborative experience. Vaccines serve a purpose and can be helpful but must placed in the context of overall health. For this reason, I work hard to help patient's familes understand how to navigate vaccines so their bodies can accept the information of vaccines with minimal inflammation. 

 

AM I DOING A GOOD JOB RAISING AND DISCIPLINING MY TODDLER...

Everyone seems to have an opinion about how to raise that volatile, dynamic, challenging being called a toddler. I like to frame a toddler as a "little teenager". 

Both toddlers and teenagers are physically and emotionally trying to figure out how to interact with the world. Toddlers are feral beings who are only starting to develop their communicative skills. Toddlers exist like puppies deriving most of their information via instinct. So, when disciplining a toddler, one must not hesitate. Less is more. If one feels any guilt or fear in these disciplining moments, they must be addressed. Like puppies, toddlers can "smell" one's fear which can render any disciplining useless.

 

MY FAMILY ALWAYS SEEMS SO CHAOTIC....

In our modern day world, we seem unable to find the empty days that used to be our way of life as children. We've come to believe that it's better to be busy with activities than to be "bored'. However, as we avoided boredom, we robbed our children of the ability to self initiate activities - which can be a great predictor of future success. Concurrently, we no longer feel confident that we can simply play with our children. We'd rather just drive them around like an unpaid Uber driver. Kids don't need parents as their transportation. Kids need parents taking charge of the schedule and  protecting time for discovery and joy. In that simplicity, the chaos will start to dissipate.

 

MY KIDS ARE ALWAYS SICK....

I always bucked the mantra that kids have to be sick all the time. Illness is not only because you are around sick people. We are always being exposed - but when we succumb to illness, it is really our immune system that needs support. The humbling truth is that our immune system isn't a product of modern technology. Our immune system is a reflection of how we are eating, sleeping and dealing with stress. So, if your kids are always sick, spend a moment to reflect. Illness is an opportune moment to recalibrate our daily lives to support this ancient means of wellness.

 

MY PARTNER AND I ARE NOT WORKING TOGETHER WELL....

It's frankly laughable when couples declare that they had a baby so they would get along better. Yes, there are definitely "bonding moments", but being able to raise children together requires hard work, communication and gratitude. Another challenge is that parenthood can trigger one's old habits, positive and negative, to resurface. These challenges illuminate how important it is to reflect on oneself and develop meaningful relationships while raising kids.  Being able to show thankfulness to one's partner at least once a day can be part of the foundation ensuring survival for your family.

 

WHY ARE MY KIDS ACTING SO DIFFERENTLY DURING PUBERTY....

As I eluded to earlier, puberty and toddlerdom are two very similar periods both physical and emotionally. Boundaries and empowerment don't have to be conflicting energies. Honoring that dance is the key to appreciating the process that turns your caterpillar into a butterfly. It is also important to remember that less is more. Teaching an adolescent to be an "adult" is like teaching a toddler how to walk. It isn't your job to "make" an adolescent "walk". You just need to make sure that the toddler and the adolescent don't "smash their head into the wall". We are tempted to control all aspects of our children's life.  We can better support them by reminding them that they need to go through their own challenges.

 

I DON'T FEEL LIKE MYSELF ANYMORE....

Self-care feels like a foreign concept while in the throes of child-rearing. As parents, we need support, we need validation, we need peace of mind. Without all these elements, we struggle to communicate clearly and we find difficulty in hearing what our children need. There is an adage in Chinese Medicine - "Children are born to heal the family". Oftentimes, we feel selfish to "indulge" in self-care. But, if I told you that you that you needed to care for yourself to care for your children, you may feel more compelled. This concept is the backbone of my work. Join me in working to "heal thyself" through our children.